Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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