I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you win again, gameday.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
