Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
