some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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