P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
