I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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