Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
