Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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