He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
