he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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