...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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