I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
