Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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