Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
