So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
