My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
