I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
