no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
