his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
