Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
