college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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