OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
