i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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