the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
