I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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