just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
