That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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