My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
