I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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