We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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