watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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