i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
