Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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