You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
