Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
