Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
