Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
