i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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