yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
