I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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