You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
