I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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