He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
