How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
