4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
