You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
