Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
