She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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