I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
