New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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