i already hear my dad disowning me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
