you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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