8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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