I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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