is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
