i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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