I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
