just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize