I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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