Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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