yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
