The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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