i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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