I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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