I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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