she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
