whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
how drunk are you?
Several
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
