How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
