I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
