So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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