Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize