She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
