Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
