I wanna bring you to show and tell
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
3 2 1 whiskey
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
