I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I supernannyed him into submission
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
