I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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