I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
