3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
