I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
