The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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