First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
